Because we all need a laugh today...

Most hilarious article/blog post... EVER!
I am sharing this because I literally think everyone should read this...


Like everything in life, farts have a time and place. However, I never realized that in the wrong time and place, flatulence had enough power to alter my course in history. Well, it can if it’s the third date with the man of your dreams. And, if it makes his eyes burn. If God destined us to be together, I was one SBD away from foiling His plans (that’s “Silent But Deadly” for you prudes).

It was about five years ago. I was trying to lose a few pounds so I was staying away from carbs. That’s when I met my husband, Rob. On our first date, he booked the next two. He liked me. I liked him. Things were looking real good.

He picked me up in a Cobra, Mustang and his pathetic attempt to win me over with a car totally worked. I’m not shallow, but since I spent most of my twenties picking men up because I didn’t want my hair to frizz in their non-air conditioned jalopies on 3 wheels and a 15 year old spare, I welcomed his fancy sports car with open arms.

We arrived at the restaurant and Rob was ordering food I hadn’t allowed myself to eat in years. I didn’t want to be “that girl” so I ate, drank, and oh, was I merry. Later we shopped a bit. Rob surprised me by buying an expensive pair of shoes that he caught me eyeing. Was this love?

That’s when it happened. Gas strikes in two different ways – uncontrollable toots or sharp, shooting pains that feel a lot like dying. I thought I was dying. Not to make a scene, I told Rob I suddenly wasn’t feeling well and probably needed to head home.

On the way home in his Cobra, he tried to hold my hand and ask me lots of questions, but I wasn’t having any of it. The pain was so bad it felt like I was being stabbed with a bunch of tiny forks. Then I realized …

My God, help me. I have a horrendous fart on deck. I’m in trouble. Big trouble.

The more I held it in, the more pain would shoot through my stomach and down my legs. I was even having to raise myself off the seat, gripping on to my door and the dashboard.

“Seriously, you need to hurry – I’m in a lot of pain.” I managed to say through gritted teeth.

“Wow, it’s that bad? What’s wrong? Do I need to take you to a hospital?”

How do you tell a man you just started dating that the reason you’re writhing in pain is because you have to fart?

Well, you can either tell him, or like me, let the fart speak for itself.

People, hear me. There was nothing I could do. As impressive as I am with sphincter control, this was out of my hands. Slowly, it eeked out. The more I tried to stop it, the more it forced its way through the door. However, to my pleasant surprise, there was no sound. I sat silently, sweat accumulating above my upper lip. Ok, maybe I got away with it. Maybe I’m home free. Then it hit me. Not an idea, a cloud. A horrific, fart cloud. Not in a, “am I smelling something?” sort of way. More like a “is someone dead and rotting in your trunk and am I in hell?” sort of way.

Suddenly, I panicked. “Roll down the windows!” I screamed (yes, I literally screamed it like I was in a horror movie).

“What? Why?” Rob asked, starting to freak out because I was freaking out.

“I can’t roll down the windows, unlock it! UNLOCK IT!”

“What’s going on?” Rob yells back to me, “Why are you …” then it hit him. I could see it in his eyes. Was it surprise? Horror? Water started to accumulate at the base of his eyelids, “Oh my God, I CAN TASTE IT!” he screamed.

“Roll down the windows!” As I screamed, the toots started to flood out uncontrollably. I scratched and clawed at the window like I was being kidnapped. Rob, unable to see either by fart cloud or panic, kept turning on the windshield wipers instead of unlocking the window.

It was chaos. We were acting like we were under siege by gun fire. We were under siege alright, just not by gun fire.

Finally he was able to hit the right control and he rolled down our windows. We both gulped in fresh air. I was horrified, yet happy to be alive, then remembered I just farted on the man of dreams, then sorta wished I was dead.

We sat silently for the rest of the way home. Although the shooting pains had subsided, I now desperately needed to use the bathroom, in an urgent, explosive kind of way.

He pulled up to my apartment and before he could come to a stop I had already jumped out, “Ok, thanks for dinner, sorry about the fart, love the shoes!” and ran in to my apartment like I was running from the cops.

I burst through my door and ran straight for the bathroom, where I was finally able to unleash and make noises that no one should ever, EVER, hear coming from another person.

Then I heard it. Rob’s voice. Right. Outside. My. Bathroom. Door.

“Anna? You left your shoes in my car and your front door was open. Where do you want me to put them?”

“Get away from the door!” I scream like Reagan from The Exorcist.

“Ok, I’m sorry. Are you okay?”

*toot* *toot* *splatter* *ungodly noise*

“I’m fine, Rob – just leave the shoes there. I’ll call you later okay?”

“Okay, are you sure you’re …”

“I’m fine! Get away from the door!”

This man! I mean, I love him, but take a freakin’ hint!

Finally, I heard the front door shut, and the Cobra engine zoom away. I thought that was the last I’d hear from him. I didn’t think it was possible to ever see a man again after he screams he can taste your fart after only knowing you for 48 hours.

But, to my surprise, I did. A couple days later, actually. Now we’re married and he’s lying on the couch while I type this … “It was your rack that saved you,” he just lovingly reminded me.

Well, thank you boobs. You saved us. You saved our destiny.

Anna Lind Thomas is the Co-Founder/Head Writer & Designer of HaHas for HooHas dot com. Check out more info in the About Us.

Christmas, part 1

This weekend we had Christmas in Oklahoma with my dad and stepmom. Christmas this year is going to be so much more fun with Kinley than last year. We also went on our annual trip to the Rhema Bible College campus to see the extraordinary light display! Kinley was in awe! She really cleaned up this weekend even though she was under the weather most of the time! Just a few pictures from our trip and Kinley playing with her toys!

Photo dump

My poor little baby has been sick the past few weeks. She has been very cuddly with Mommy and Daddy which we love! Here are a few pictures of the past few weeks of our little Angel!

Kinley's One Year Professional Photos

One Year!

November 20th, 2012

My Amazing Kinley! I cannot believe I am writing this! Today, you are one year old! Twelve months ago, we were meeting for the first time face to face! You were a busy baby right from the beginning and have remained so every single day! This month has been no different, you are busier than ever! This month you,
- weigh 20.7 lbs (37%)
- height 29.7" (70%)
- head is 81%
- wearing size 12 month clothes and size 3 diapers
- officially have started walking!
- but prefers crawling when you are in a hurry
- give hugs and kisses
- love push toys
- still think Daddy is hilarious
- have really started playing with the dogs and crawling all over Bella
- eat just about anything but on your terms
- love popcorn and ice cream
- drink whole milk from sippy cups during the day and formula from bottles at night
- smile all of the time, showing off your two bottom teeth!

My perfect angel, Kinley,

I cannot believe you are already one-year-old! You are beyond the light of our lives and we absolutely cannot imagine living without you! You have seem to have changed overnight and have become such a joy to everyone you meet! You are very busy and are learning new things at every turn! Right now, you're concentrating on building blocks, walking, and climbing all over everything! We have started Parents as Teachers, and Anna is very impressed with your fine motor skills! You are such a star! You love to dance and sing, especially when mommy and daddy join you! You brighten our days with your gummy little smile and now our hearts with your big hugs and open mouth kisses! My Little Kinley, we love you so very much and feel so blessed to have you in our lives! I cannot wait to see what's the next chapter of our lives will bring for you and how much I am sure you will change. We love you very much!

Love you always and always,
Mommy and Daddy

The Saturday before Kinley's birthday, we had a small birthday party to celebrate her big day!  We accidentally missed our afternoon nap so the cake was not nearly as entertaining for her as we had hoped!  Here are a few shots from the day!

Date Night

A sudden change of plans this weekend landed me dinner at So Long Saloon and a K-State football game! It has been a long time since Josh and I were able to be spontaneous... Over 11 1/2 months, to be exact! But after hanging with our favorite baby on Friday and Saturday morning, we hopped in the car and headed to Manhattan for the evening. We started out at So Long Saloon, made quick friends with the bartender, and ate our weight in delicious food! We made a quick pit stop at Varney's and then to the game. We parked down the street from my old sorority and walked to the game from there. By the way, Jardine looks way different!

Weekend fun

This weekend everyone was up for family pictures and the Chiefs game. Friday night, my parents and Josh's mom made it to the last Olathe South Falcon football game. It was not our best season but Kinley and I came out bundled up to see Daddy coach before the season ended!
Saturday we all met up for family pictures in super cold temperatures to get the perfect shot! With eight adults and six kids under the age of 5 1/2, we were lucky to have a picture with all of our faces in it! It was definitely an adventure and all if the kids did awesome! I can't wait to see the end results! After pictures, the family came back to our house to eat, carve pumpkins and watch the KSU Wildcats game!
Sunday we ventured out to the Chiefs game versus the Raiders. We tailgated before and then went in to watch what we were hoping was going to be an awesome game. Not so much. I would hardly classify it as a game!
Tonight we are winding down from a busy weekend and gearing up for Kinley's first Halloween!

11 months

October 20, 2012

My beautiful little girl, you are 11 months old! Where has the time gone? You are busier and busier every day and continue to make us laugh with your silly actions and facial expressions! This month, you…
- weigh 23 pounds
- wear 12 month clothes
- wear size 3 diapers
- are finally growing bright blonde hair
- went to your first K State Wildcats game! And they beat OU!
- went to your first pumpkin patch
- are crawling all over the place and you can stand unassisted for several seconds
- still love the dogs and try and follow them all over the house
- Love climbing all over our furniture and have often times gotten stuck underneath our barstools
- are really good at cruising on furniture, dogs, or by holding our hands
- still have two bottom teeth and are possibly working on the top teeth
- give really good hugs and wrap your arms clear around our necks
- have been to several high school football games, but have also stayed home instead of braving the rain and freezing cold temperatures
- Love spaghetti, cooked carrots, ice cream, chocolate, oatmeal, puffs, yogurt melts, Lil Crunchers, and your bottle
- still take Prevacid at nighttime
- Love love love bathtime!
- still hate getting dressed and the car seat
- TOOK YOUR FIRST STEP YESTERDAY!!!

My dearest Kinley,
It is hard to believe what our lives were like 11 months ago. You are the absolute center of our world and light of our lives! Each day your smile brings happiness to our exhausted lives and makes us excited for our future as a family! Daddy says that when he gets home from work, your smile is what he looks forward to the most! You are so busy and fun at this age. You will push your toys all over the place, throw them in the air and then go chase them, and still chew on everything! You are such a joy to play with and watch grow! You are not the best napper, and have recently decided that you don't want to sleep through the night anymore. We are working with that. Mommy thinks you might be having night terrors because you don't seem awake when you are crying. We are managing through it though! My sweet baby, I cannot believe you're almost a year old. I have never enjoyed anything in my entire life as much as I have enjoyed being your mommy. We love you with our entire heart and always will!

We love you pumpkin,
Love always,
Mommy and Daddy